Just few days before, It was friendship day. Everyone was wishing their friends on Facebook, they were busy sharing their old pictures and memories with their school and college friends. I got some wish too, from my colleagues (though I don't know if they really consider me as their friend or not!). Usually I use Facebook for time pass. When I am free or I am upset I open up my Facebook and see the sweet smiling pictures of my near and dear ones. It makes me feel happy.
But this time it didn't feel like that. This time I first noticed I don't have any best friends!It's strange but true.
There was a time that I had what I thought friends,but as it turns out I was just a friend of convenience. It really feels awful to be treated that way for so long. I felt I was always been caring, good, honest and sacrificing towards others. But still no one has ever been reciprocated or even been close to me.
Unfortunately I have never had the opportunity to be close with my family. My childhood was so awful and scary. I just want to forgot the memories of my childhood. Even in school only one or two were close to mine. Both got married soon after finishing school. They are happily living with their husbands and don't bother to be on face book or to connect with old friends.
I think this loneliness making me anti social. I have co-workers, acquaintances, relatives and my husbands who is mostly there for me. But the times when we fight with each other, I find myself with no one to turn to.
I really miss the closeness with someone whom I can share everything, the good and bad things too, whom I can go with a lunch date or to a movie night, whom I can talk hours about books, cinemas, men, sex, city life, my mistakes, my fear and all those stuffs, who will never be bored around me. I really need a friend who listens to me, gives me advice, cheer me up when I am down and stands besides me when I need.
It's so hard standing all alone among the crowd.
But this time it didn't feel like that. This time I first noticed I don't have any best friends!It's strange but true.
There was a time that I had what I thought friends,but as it turns out I was just a friend of convenience. It really feels awful to be treated that way for so long. I felt I was always been caring, good, honest and sacrificing towards others. But still no one has ever been reciprocated or even been close to me.
Unfortunately I have never had the opportunity to be close with my family. My childhood was so awful and scary. I just want to forgot the memories of my childhood. Even in school only one or two were close to mine. Both got married soon after finishing school. They are happily living with their husbands and don't bother to be on face book or to connect with old friends.
I think this loneliness making me anti social. I have co-workers, acquaintances, relatives and my husbands who is mostly there for me. But the times when we fight with each other, I find myself with no one to turn to.
I really miss the closeness with someone whom I can share everything, the good and bad things too, whom I can go with a lunch date or to a movie night, whom I can talk hours about books, cinemas, men, sex, city life, my mistakes, my fear and all those stuffs, who will never be bored around me. I really need a friend who listens to me, gives me advice, cheer me up when I am down and stands besides me when I need.
It's so hard standing all alone among the crowd.
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