Diseases, Dilemmas and Life

How strangely a disease or illness can change people’s lives! Not only has the person who is suffering but diseases has also an impact on the people who are related to him/her! Recently one of my friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wonder how they are dealing with it! How they felt when they first knew about it! My father is also suffering from liver diseases, I know how it feels when we see our dear ones in pain!

My another friends father was suffering from kidney diseases. She was my university friend and also lived in my neighborhood areas. So once in a month I used to go to see her father. I was surprised to see how different types of complicacy, dilemma and problems arise among the family members with that growing disease. For a middle class family it’s difficult to bear the cost of continuous dialysis, medicines and other things. But is that only money that matters???

No obviously!

My friend was married with two children. Her husband was a government service holder posted to Bogra. Her mother died years back, so she had no way but to look after her father like taking him to hospital, giving medicines at the right time, cooking for the family (father and a younger brother) and doing other household work  leaving her children with her in laws in Rajshahi. I saw her father was suffering for more than one year. She had to leave her masters in the middle of the study! One day she was so exhausted, when I met her she started crying and screaming!

-Oh Neela, I hate my life, I hate my father, why is not he going to die? He made my life so miserable!

-What are you talking, are you crazy?? Don’t you love your family?

-No I don’t . Look at my brother! He is just useless, he doesn’t take any responsibility of Baba, and sometimes I feel like to kill him!

- Stop it! You’ve gone mad, don’t you want your father to be well again?

- Yes, I’ve gone mad. I don’t want him to be well, coz I know he will not. Doctor said to me. Look at me, I haven’t seen my children for last three months. I haven’t spent a romantic moment with my husband for almost one year! What about my life? I am here, my husband is in Bogra, and my childrens are in Rajshahi! Is this you call a life?

-Why don’t you keep your children with you?

- I can’t , because they are my extra responsibility. I can’t handle all this things at a time, you know my husband and in laws are complaining that I only think about my father’s family not about them, now the financial crisis. I can’t bear this anymore. If Baba wasn’t ill my life would go so smooth! I don’t care if he dies now..

I was trying to comfort her. After few minutes she stopped crying for a while and started crying again more loudly this time… ‘Oh my God! What is I’m saying. I am very bad, Allah will never forgive me. How could I say such things about my own father, how much he loved me and now look at me! I am so selfish, I became tired of taking care of him for only one year! Give me a slap Neela!’

It’s okay dear, after all we are human being!

Yes, now I understand how she felt that time. For last one month only I know from what I’m going through. Lots of tensions about my father, tensions of money (as my relatives were suggesting me to take him to India I was worried, if anything bad happens, how will I manage the money, money for treatment, money for my brothers study and all these things), tensions of office everything made me so exhausted. Last fifteen days I slept only couple of hours, I couldn’t concentrate on my childrens, my family, and my work or even on my personal life! These extra stress can bump with negative feelings or reactions!

 Now I realize this is what happened to my friend!

No one wants to ignore parental needs, but unless there are financial resources well beyond what most families can dream about, how to meet those needs is a problem with no easy solution. For the children, it can mean bringing their parents into their homes and, among other things, dealing with a spouse’s grumblings about the intrusion in their live is not easy to deal with.

But I am extremely happy that nothing bad happened to my father, and I am super blessed that I got such an amazing and supportive husband who helped me all way through!

Music and Life

Music seems to be a powerful memory cue for some people especially for me. Songs has a power to bring previous memories and events in mind. Some books have this power too. For me every old song is linked with a specific memory or a person of my life. Music and some books can induce nostalgia more quickly and easily. Music is an important part of my life. No no, I’m not a singer; I don’t know ‘sa re ga ma pa’ even (I’m a good bathroom singer though!! He he he). But still without melodies my life would be totally empty. I love listening music while on my way to office or office to home, or in midnight when everyone is deep asleep. Listening to different melodies or tunes helps me de-stress and relax. Oh yes, music also motivates me in my trying times.

Sometimes in life people grieve. People feel all kinds of emotions. Music is almost an emotion in itself. In my eyes music can be an escape for a minute or two. It can be for however long you desire. Music has been called a way of life for certain human beings. Somehow, it has made such a large influence on the world. I can think of many instances where music has impacted someone’s life in some significant way in fact I’m also an example of it.. It may be something such as a big decision, or even a small predicament. Musicians have the advantage of touching people with their lyrics or music; a gift some people will never be able to give as well, but most people have the chance to listen to the feeling and conviction put into musician’s work. Some of us have musical talent and others don’t, but those who do can share their emotions through an expression, so to speak. The way music affects our everyday lives can be almost incomprehensible at times. 

Music can be a way to deliver messages, a poetic medium, a fine art, or nothing more than a source of
entertainment. No matter what it is used for, music is the perfect art and our lives would be that much less complete without it that life as we know it would not at all be the same without music.

For now, here are some soothing and of course my favorite music...happy listening!!!