How
strangely a disease or illness can change people’s lives! Not only has the person
who is suffering but diseases has also an impact on the people who are related
to him/her! Recently one of my friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I
wonder how they are dealing with it! How they felt when they first knew about
it! My father is also suffering from liver diseases, I know how it feels when we
see our dear ones in pain!
My
another friends father was suffering from kidney diseases. She was my
university friend and also lived in my neighborhood areas. So once in a month I used to go to see
her father. I was surprised to see how different types of complicacy, dilemma
and problems arise among the family members with that growing disease. For a middle
class family it’s difficult to bear the cost of continuous dialysis, medicines
and other things. But is that only money that matters???
No obviously!
My
friend was married with two children. Her husband was a government service
holder posted to Bogra. Her mother died years back, so she had no way but to
look after her father like taking him to hospital, giving medicines at the
right time, cooking for the family (father and a younger brother) and doing other
household work leaving her children with
her in laws in Rajshahi. I saw her father was suffering for more than one year.
She had to leave her masters in the middle of the study! One day she was so
exhausted, when I met her she started crying and screaming!
-Oh
Neela, I hate my life, I hate my father, why is not he going to die? He made my
life so miserable!
-What
are you talking, are you crazy?? Don’t you love your family?
-No
I don’t . Look at my brother! He is just useless, he doesn’t take any
responsibility of Baba, and sometimes I feel like to kill him!
-
Stop it! You’ve gone mad, don’t you want your father to be well again?
-
Yes, I’ve gone mad. I don’t want him to be well, coz I know he will not. Doctor
said to me. Look at me, I haven’t seen my children for last three months. I
haven’t spent a romantic moment with my husband for almost one year! What about
my life? I am here, my husband is in Bogra, and my childrens are in Rajshahi!
Is this you call a life?
-Why
don’t you keep your children with you?
-
I can’t , because they are my extra responsibility. I can’t handle all this
things at a time, you know my husband and in laws are complaining that I only
think about my father’s family not about them, now the financial crisis. I can’t
bear this anymore. If Baba wasn’t ill my life would go so smooth! I don’t care
if he dies now..
I
was trying to comfort her. After few minutes she stopped crying for a while and
started crying again more loudly this time… ‘Oh my God! What is I’m saying. I
am very bad, Allah will never forgive me. How could I say such things about my
own father, how much he loved me and now look at me! I am so selfish, I became
tired of taking care of him for only one year! Give me a slap Neela!’
It’s
okay dear, after all we are human being!
Yes, now I understand how she
felt that time. For last one month only I know from what I’m going through.
Lots of tensions about my father, tensions of money (as my relatives were
suggesting me to take him to India I was worried, if anything bad happens, how
will I manage the money, money for treatment, money for my brothers study and
all these things), tensions of office everything made me so exhausted. Last
fifteen days I slept only couple of hours, I couldn’t concentrate on my
childrens, my family, and my work or even on my personal life! These extra
stress can bump with negative feelings or reactions!
Now I realize this is what happened to my
friend!
No one wants to ignore parental needs, but
unless there are financial resources well beyond what most families can dream
about, how to meet those needs is a problem with no easy solution. For the
children, it can mean bringing their parents into their homes and, among other
things, dealing with a spouse’s grumblings about the intrusion in their live is
not easy to deal with.
But I am extremely happy that nothing bad happened to my father, and I am super blessed that I got such an amazing and supportive husband who helped me all way through!
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